Gay Gamer

Being the boring person that I am, there is one thing that I always do for fun. Online games!

It started back in college. My friends played Ragnarok back then. That time, the vacant moments in between classes may take up to four and a half hours. And since I don’t want to be a loser who stays outside the PUP chapel or sat at the tiled floors of our school south wing, I started playing. Let me tell you first how expensive Ragnarok that time, you have to buy a card in order to play, and you also have to rent computers. Have I told you how long our vacant moments can get? Haha. I don’t even understand what is so addicting with Ragnarok (shoot me, Elmer). I never even got a character who reached a second job class. I guess what makes it difficult was my fingers were not that quick that time. In Ragna, I remember that you have to be the first person to kill the mobs in order to gain more experience, and if you are in a map that has roughly 80 characters. Good luck!

I then played RAN Online. Why is it cold RAN Online? I don’t know. It was introduced by my roommate who brought his PC in Sta Mesa. We have broadband and since I got too exhausted with Friendster (nagkakaalaman na ng edad, haha), I tried playing it. RAN Online is a walk in a park compared to Ragnarok. It doesn’t have complicated quests, it has skills that can kill 10 mobs at a time, and you really work together with fellow players if you are in a party. It is also easy to understand. In RAN, all you have to do is just walk north, because the farther you go north, the tougher the mobs to kill and the greater the experience you gain. Certified Ranatic here.

Currently, I am playing AION Ascencion. It is a game created by NCSOFT and this is the most challenging game I ever played. Let me explain. In Aion world, there are two races, Elios and Asmodians, you will be on the good side of things depending on which Race you pick. You can improve yourself by doing quests. What are the two races for? It is for PVP. There are maps in AION where you will face the opposing race and definitely, try your best to beat the hell out of them. I enjoyed AION because the game interface is pretty, Campaign quests tells stories, everyone has to go through the same stuff, and the PVP part of the game will really get you motivated to improve your character’s skills and stats so you will not get killed most of the time. AION can get challenging because there are a lot of things to consider. It can get complicated sometimes, but it is fun.

I play online games to remove stress and to distract myself from thinking more depressing stuff. It has been a good diversion so far, especially now when everything seems to melt down a lot of times. And with that being said, I will bid “take care,” magpapalevel pa. LOLs.

Insomnia, oh ohh...

The past week has been crazy. Recently, I had troubled sleeping. It was not fun.

I arrived home at five in the morning hoping that I will be able to sleep right away, but that isn't happening. Every time I will be able to close my eyes, something weird is happening to my body. I will start having palpitations and then wake up catching my breath.

It was scary.

Last Tuesday, I went to a Doctor for consultation. Hospitals and I really have a love-hate relationship and I was really hesitant at first because, what will I say to the Doctor? Hi Doc, I am LJ and I am having trouble sleeping. The Doctor was nice though, she started asking me what I normally do before I go to sleep and what was happening so I was just honest with her. She ask me to get an ECG and have sample of my blood in order to really check where the problem comes from.

I got the results yesterday and another Doctor told me that a hormone in my thyroid is higher that what is normal for the body. Well, something like that. And from what I understand, if I understand things correctly. Since the thyroid gland excretes greater hormones, the muscles became more active and that is where difficulty in sleeping happens.

Good new is though it is more that what is normal for the body, it is not much. It is greater by .01, he just stated that it may really be stress related. I still need to see a specialist on endocrines, though. Will do it by Monday.

Yes, I believe that this is all stress related because every thing started happening when I got the NTE from my office. Its frustrating because I am really the type who will really disregard all the negative things which is happening around me and just stay positive no matter what, but I am still thankful that what happened really made me realized that I am still vulnerable, that though I really try my best to be strong, I still have to take care of myself, especially my body. :D

Right now, I am trying to remain as positive and as happy as possible. It is working so far. I am also praying that everything turned out well on Monday when I show the test results to the Endocrinologist. :D

Also, I am trying my best to live a life without stress. I always concentrate on thinking about chocolates, ice creams and a lot of other happy things. I know that happy thoughts will not make you fly, unless Tinkerbell's fairy dust help you, but definitely having a stress free life will make things better.

On Rejection

Parte na ng buhay ng tao ang rejection. Rejection sa work, sa pag ibig, sa mga opportunities, at sa kung ano ano pa. Isang bagay lang ang sigurado sa rejection, kahit ilang beses mo na siyang pinagdaanan, masakit pa din.

Tapos na ang tatlong araw kong pagaantay sa kumpanyang inapplyan ko nung nakaraang Lunes. Sabi nga nila sa akin, pag hindi daw ako nakatanggap ng tawag sa kanila, I can move on with my life at took what I went thru as a learning experience. Badtrip na learning experience na yan!

Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako huling naligwak sa isang interview. Kaya siguro ang bitter ng pakiramdam ko ngayon kasi bukod sa madalas akong pumapasa, confident ako sa sarili ko, at tiwala ako na qualified talaga ako para sa posisyon na inaplayan. Pero isang tanong lang ang naging batayan ng buong interview ko. Isang tanong na nung mga sandaling tinanong sa akin, bigla nalang nag black out ang utak ko, siguro dahil sa pagod at sa stress, at noong nakatulog ako ng mahimbing, kinabukasan, naalala ko na siya.

What are your career goals and what you are doing to achieve them?

Hanggang ngayon, naaalala ko pa ang sinagot ko, malayong malayo sa tanong. Shet! Haha.

Simple lang naman ang mga career goals ko.

I want to stay in a company where I will not just grow as an employee but also as an individual as well. When I apply for something, the first thing I look for a company is the working environment, it is important that I will learn something from the people I work with. Also, I really want a job that will be able to support me well financially.

Anong ginagawa ko para maachieve ko yun?

Once I get hired, I really do my best to get familiarize with the job, because knowing your job well will help you achieve greater things in an institution.

Pero, iba pa rin ang sinagot ko. Oh, pighati! Lols.

Ngunit, subalit, datapwat, at bagkus, wala na. wala pa ding tawag. hindi na ako magiging hopia (hoping) na tawagan nila ako, o na yayaman ako sa company nila. Sabagay, mayroon pa naman akong trabaho at kahit papaano, masaya pa rin naman ako sa trabaho ko ngayon.

Iisipin ko nalang na hindi ako ang nawalan, sila ang nawalan ng isang empleyadong kagaya ko. Hahaha! Manghinayang sila ng wagas! Hahaha.

Black and White

When I entered the movie house yesterday, there was a fight.

Basing it on how the conversations of the two characters involved in this story went, let’s just call them Black and White. That was the colors of their shirts. Black sat behind me and White was sitting on the lane behind Black. White was with a girl, who placed her feet on the chairs in front of her. Black got annoyed and told the girl to put her feet down. And then, White confronted Black saying that she should not shout a girl.

They were going in circles. Black said that she doesn’t own the girl any explanation, because since it was a movie house, as etiquette, the girl’s feet must stay on the ground and not everywhere else. However, White was irritated because Black was shouting at his girl.

Both of them have their points. However, they were both unstoppable.

I was still enjoying my hotdog sandwich when a girl shouted that, “Ikaw kasi (Black) sumasagot ka pa, tumahimik ka na, para sa ating lahat, nakakahiya. Ikaw din Sir (White), tumigil na kayo, hindi na matatapos ito.” At that moment, I want to give the girl a hug. She sat besides Black and she was brave enough to even tell her companion that.

Yeah, the conversation was stupid. But its human nature that we always tend to make things complicated. Thinking that it all started with forgotten movie etiquette, tsk tsk. I’m ashamed of the girl who missed her manners; however, I am proud of the girl who strive for peace. J

I always believe in standing for what you believe is right. I am also aware that you should voice out your concern when something is wrong. But like any war, it is also important that you choose your own battles.

YM Got Hacked!

It has been an awesome Christmas so far… Until I found out that someone used my yahoo messenger account.

I got the news from my officemate who asked me to call him last night. He told me that someone was chatting my office mate abroad. Immediately, I panicked. He then told me that what was said was really not nice. He mentioned some profane words. Some were even sex related. Since I don't have an access to a computer the moment he called me, He changed my messenger password right away.

Today, I found out who used my account.

Since most of my blog post were done on an Internet Cafe on Makati. I ask the person who manages the shop if he saw someone who used my account. I told him what happened. He then said that some rascal kids were using my account yesterday, and once he saw it, he immediately log it out. We looked at the messenger’s history, and there I found the words that was said.

Example, a friend from Greece chatted “Merry Christmas,” and the kid replied, “Hindi ako si LJ, P.I. mo hahaha.”

Alarming, right?

Good thing my officemate knew me pretty well and she was aware that I was never chat such stuff.

My friend Ralph, who manage the shop, was furious about the incident. He was more mad compared to how I reacted. He called the kid and confronted him until he admitted that he was the one who send those messages. The kid never said the truth, though. Ralph even called the kid’s mom to inform her what happened.

The mom talked to me. “Bakit naman po kasi naiwan niyong bukas ang account niyo? Hindi ba pwedeng humingi nalang ng pasensiya sa nangyari?” Ralph did most of the talking. I remained calm throughout the situation. My friend said that the account was accidentally left with my password on it, and though it was left at such way, as a way of respect, his child should not even touch it, hence, say such words.

The mom was apologetic though, I just informed her that I already did most of the apologizing, and informed my officemates that some rascals just used my account. If ever she did something rude, definitely she will hear something from me. I am nice, but the bitch inside of me rise when needed.

I know part of the incident was my fault, and I am taking full responsibility on it. Promise, I will make sure that everything is logged out before I even leave the shop. Or maybe, I should start saving for my own pc na. Hahaha!

Merry Christmas guys. :)

Bad Day.

“Male, po.” I said in a shy and timid manner, while looking at the Spa’s vinyl flooring.

The lady across the reception did her thing, then took a quick glimpse of me. I already know what she is thinking. This guy is gay because he wants to have a male masseur, and he wants to have a massage in 4:15 in the morning. I kept my stare at the vinyl flooring, then give her an impatient smirk, who cares what you think? I am not here for your masseur. My body aches and I think a massage can help me.

Finally, someone assisted me. I was slightly taller than him, slightly darker than him, and slightly heavier than him. He then guided me to the well lighted hallway, then the staircase that will lead us to our room. The scent of oil was all over, rooms are separated by thick black curtains that smell like cobwebs already, and the bed, well, its good for massages. Hehe.

Massages are relaxing. But it will really depend on the person who will take care of you. My masseur, a while ago, he was not good. Everything he did was not cool. He started small talks that I am not interested. Aside from that, his hands felt like rocks on my body. The massage was verging on uncomfortable and painful. I kept on telling him to mellow it down, which he did, then all of a sudden his hands will feel like hell again.

After the massage, he then offered me something, which shocked me because I never expected a Spa in Shaw will have such thing. I told him that its expensive, however he said that it will only be for 1500 bucks. No way! No effin’ way! Instead of getting irritated, I just gave Aljur the Masseur a condescending smile then started to get dress. I hate upsetting people so I just said, “maybe next time.” If there will be a next time, which I doubt. I know I’m unstraight, and I am proud of it however not all gay are as gay as what people think. Sometimes, we will not do such stuff.

Talking about a bad day, right?

And Dalawang Payaso

Nung pumunta ako sa party nung anak ng office mate ko last Sunday, isa lang ang mga napansin ko, ang mga Clowns.

Sabi ni office mate, PHP 1500 daw ang kuha niya sa mga clowns na iyon, nalate pa ang dating ng mga mokong kaya medyo naging mababa na ang energy ng mga tao nung pagdating nila.

Mahal na rin pala ang kuha sa mga clowns. Naisip ko tuloy na easy money din un. Kasi ung dalawang payaso sa birthday party, nag make up lang na parang liquid paper ang mukha, nilagyan ng parang black na diamond ang mga mata, tapos ni lipstickan ang ilong na parang kagaya sa siopao, magsuot ng nangingitim na makulay na jump suit, takte, clown na!

Okay naman ang ginawa nila, kinantahan ng birthday song ang celebrant, nagpacontest ng pahabaan ng happy birthday celebrannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt, nagmagic na alam kong punong puno ng kadayaan, at nagfacilitate ng pabitin at palayok, takte, PHP 1,500.00 na.

Pero mahirap maging clown. Kahit tumataginting na 1500 pa ang presyo ko sa dalawang oras na pagtatanghal, never kong gagawing magclown. Pero ang mas mahirap, ang maging clown tapos may audience kang kagaya ni Lorena.

Gusto ko na talagang lumayo kay Lorena habang nagpeperform sila, biruin mo ba naman, halos lahat ng gawin ng dalawa, nakakontra siya. “Ay… nakita ko na yan,” “Ay… naku wala na bang bago,” at “Hay naku, niloloko lang ako ng mga ito,” susme, kung ako yung clown, pagtitripan ko talaga si Lorena, hihiyain ko hanggang lamunin niya ang lahat ng mga sinasabi niya, o di kaya siya nalang ang pagsasalitain ko sa harap. Pero hindi na rin siguro, matalak kasi si Lorena, hahaha… kung ako yung clown, ipagdarasal ko nalang siya. Pero alam ko namang wala namang masamang hangarin si Lorena.

Mahirap talagang magpatawa. Kahit na alam ko na hindi naman ako natawa sa kanilang dalawa, naisip ko nalang na buti nalang mas okay ang trabaho ko sa kanila. Hindi ko kailangang mag suot ng kakatwa para lang kumita, hindi ko kailangang magpacute at believable habang nagwowork at higit sa lahat, hindi ko kailangang magpatawa o magisip ng mga pakulo para lang kumita.

Kaya sa mga kagaya ng mga clowns na pinagdadaanan ang mga ganoon, at sa lahat ng kumikita ng marangal though alam kong ayaw nila ng ginagawa nila, you have my respect. Ang post na ito ay para sa inyo.

Taxi Cab

Hindi mo maintindihan kung pagod ka lang o badtrip ka talaga. Pagkatapos mong magyosi, pumara ka na ng taxi. Umuulan ng umagang yun, masyado ka ng stress para lakarin pa ang daan papuntang EDSA galing sa gusaling pinagtatrabahuhan mo.

Sumakay ka sa unang taxi na pumara sa harap mo. Sa tabi ng driver ka umupo, kasabay ng pagsabi sa hangin ng “Guadalupe po.”

Gusto mong uminom ng umagang yun. Tinignan mo ang cellphone mo para lang icheck kung may mga gising pa sa mga kaibigan mo kaso walang nakaalala sa iyo. Tulog na sila siguro.

Sa sobrang inis mo, hindi mo pinapansin ang tao sa tabi mo. Nakatingin ka nalang sa bintana at pinapanood ang ulan, ang mga ilaw, ang kalawakan na tila nakikidalamhati sa kamalasan na pinagdaraanan mo. Alam mong konti nalang iiyak ka na, kaso sabi mo sa sarili mo para ka namang tanga kung iiyakan lang ang hindi pagbibigay sa iyo ng weekend off. Ang off na halos kalahating taon mong pinaglalaban para lang sa mapa sa iyo ay hindi mo pa rin pala makakamtam.

Habang nanahimik ka, naramdaman mong may sumagi sa hita mo. Napatingin ka sa driver at dun lang bumalik ang ulirat mo. “Parang ang lalim ng iniisip mo, Sir ha. San po ba kayo sa Guadalupe?” Bago ka sumagot, napansin mo na mas bata sa iyo ang driver, maputi, maganda ang mata, at mapula ang mga labi. “F. Yabut po, sabi mo.”

Nagpatuloy ang pagtakbo ng sasakyan. Niyakap mo ang bag mo kasi nilalamig ka na.

“Sir, gusto mo hinaan ko po ang aircon?” Sabi ng taxi driver.

“Hindi wag na, ganito lang talaga ako kapag bagong sakay sa taxi. Ginawin.”

“Ah… ano po bang iniisip niyo?” Marahang niyang sinabi.

Napatingin ka sa kanya. Alam mo na madadaldal talaga ang mga taxi driver pero ngayon lang nangyari sa iyo na may nagtangka sa iyong magtanong kung anong iniisip mo.

Napangiti ka nalang, “bakit, obvious an obvious ba na may iniisip ako?”

Napatawa lang siya, “Oo. Pero hindi ka mukhang problemado, badtrip ka lang.”

Putang Ina! Tama siya.

Nagpatuloy ang cute na driver, “Siguro nabawasan ang sweldo mo, o hindi naapprove ang leave mo, baka may nakasagutan kang Amerikano, o baka kaya hindi napunta sa iyo ang gusto mong schedule. Tama ako, ano?”

Putang ina ulet. Tama na naman siya. Hindi ka makapaniwalang tama siya! Ang badtrip na nararamdaman mo ay biglang napalitan ng paghanga. Bigla ng may ngiti sa mga labi mo dahil hindi ka makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. Pero ang nasabi mo nalang, “parang ganoon, minsan may mga bagay lang sa trabaho na hindi nakakatuwa at parang mas gusgustuhin mo pang magresign. Pero, teka, pano mo nalaman?”

“Yan kasi ang normal na sinasabi ng mga call center agents na pasahero ko,” Sabi niya. “Pero Sir, kung isa man sa mga sinabi ko ang nagpapabadtrip sa inyo, isipin niyo nalang, at least hindi kayo nagtatrabaho ng buong bente kwatro oras. Hindi niyo kailangan makipagagawan sa mga pasahero para makaboundary lang. Minsan pag mamalasin pa, ang kita mo ng buong araw, mapupunta lang sa mga korup na opisyal. Siguro may dahilan bakit ganoon ang nangyari sa opisina niyo pero hayaan niyo nalang, ang mahalaga sa mag panahon ngayon ay may kinikita kayo sa malinis na paraan.”

Hindi mo na napigilang tumawa.

“Ayan buti hindi ka na badtrip, saan ba ang sa inyo dito?” Wika niya.

Napansin mong malapit ka ng bumaba. Kinuha mo na ang iyong pitaka at naglabas ng isang daan. Pero may nakita ka pang extrang singkwenta kaya kinuha mo na rin. Pinahinto mo ang taxi sa kanto na normal mong binababaaan. Pagtingin mo sa metro, “PHP 103.00,” binigay mo ang pera sa iyong mga kamay sabay sabing, “keep the change ha.”

“Sobra ito sir. Saglit lang at magpapabarya ako,” Sabi niya.

“Wag na, kulang pa yan kumpara sa mga nagawa mo sa akin ngayong gabi, salamat ha, malaking bagay ang mga sinabi mo.” Sabay bukas ng pinto, at bukas ng payong.

“Sir saglit lang,” pigil niya. “Resibo niyo po.”

Oo nga pala. Kailangan ng magantay ng resibo kahit sa mga taxi. Paglabas ng resibo, kinuha niya ang ballpen niya at may sinulat sa likod nito. Hindi mo na ito pinansin kasi nagmamadali ka na, pagkaabot niya nito sa iyo, dali dali ka ng naglakad pag uwi. Tinignan mo ang sinulat ni Taxi driver at natawa ka lang, Paolo ang pangalan niya, may number, mayroon ding salitang “salamat” at may smiley.