Nothing to Fright, A Sonnet

When I lost all reason to believe in you.
I find myself believing you more.
And then all my faith has been renew.
And I am no longer unsure.
Wishing that you will keep me under you protection
Featured you in all of my actions
Desiring that you will guide all of my decision
With your unconditional love so sweet like lemons
Yet, Father God, I still let go of your hand
Haply you still give me your mercy
Like how the sun brighten up the land
From a storm which tremors the sea
For you are the reason that I live, sing and write
That because of your love, I have nothing to fright.

Book 4 of 2013: On Great Perhaps and Inescapable Labyrinths

Thoughts on Looking for Alaska by John Green

I finished reading Looking for Alaska last week. Apologies for not writing about it right away. I was busy. :)

Also, I really don’t plan on writing a review about it. You guys can read PM’s review about it. She forced me to read it last year; however I was stuck with so many books to read, and work and schedule has been too mayhem to even consider opening its PDF file (Thanks, PM!). Hence, believe me, this book is so worth it reading I disgust myself for not reading it right away.

As stated, no review this time. We will just talk about two ideas presented in the book and how it affected me in ways I never expected it to be.

The Great Perhaps – the lead in the book is in search for this, the same way we believe in what ifs and will this work. I see The Great Perhaps as the risks we face each day, the decisions we made, and the probabilities of attaining something with nothing. The Great Perhaps can be a great trick, depending on how you see it. It draws a thin line of being optimistic and delusional. I use it for the optimistic side.

How will I get out of this Labyrinth? Alaska Young said. Labyrinth represents suffering in all forms and degree. Alaska’s Labyrinth comes from the things that happened to her when she was a kid. Obviously she never got out of it because she died, whether it was suicide or not, no one can tell. Sadly, Alaska’s labyrinth ended in an ugly manner.

Looking for Alaska entered my life while I am still searching my own great perhaps and while I am trying to find ways to lessen the labyrinths that drowns me. It was perfect timing. I understand that the great perhaps may take time, definitely it will take a lot of effort but the outcome will be sweet. In cases where labyrinths happen, there is nothing you can do but to get out of it, never let it cloud you forever. A perfect advise if start a prayer.

The book is a story about hope – finding it and never losing it. I was close to believing that Alaska and I were the same, but if I will think about it, we are different in a lot of aspects. I don’t feel the need to get out of the labyrinths which trapped me. Definitely, challenges happen, but I will just let it pass. En route to my Great Perhaps.

Gay Gamer

Being the boring person that I am, there is one thing that I always do for fun. Online games!

It started back in college. My friends played Ragnarok back then. That time, the vacant moments in between classes may take up to four and a half hours. And since I don’t want to be a loser who stays outside the PUP chapel or sat at the tiled floors of our school south wing, I started playing. Let me tell you first how expensive Ragnarok that time, you have to buy a card in order to play, and you also have to rent computers. Have I told you how long our vacant moments can get? Haha. I don’t even understand what is so addicting with Ragnarok (shoot me, Elmer). I never even got a character who reached a second job class. I guess what makes it difficult was my fingers were not that quick that time. In Ragna, I remember that you have to be the first person to kill the mobs in order to gain more experience, and if you are in a map that has roughly 80 characters. Good luck!

I then played RAN Online. Why is it cold RAN Online? I don’t know. It was introduced by my roommate who brought his PC in Sta Mesa. We have broadband and since I got too exhausted with Friendster (nagkakaalaman na ng edad, haha), I tried playing it. RAN Online is a walk in a park compared to Ragnarok. It doesn’t have complicated quests, it has skills that can kill 10 mobs at a time, and you really work together with fellow players if you are in a party. It is also easy to understand. In RAN, all you have to do is just walk north, because the farther you go north, the tougher the mobs to kill and the greater the experience you gain. Certified Ranatic here.

Currently, I am playing AION Ascencion. It is a game created by NCSOFT and this is the most challenging game I ever played. Let me explain. In Aion world, there are two races, Elios and Asmodians, you will be on the good side of things depending on which Race you pick. You can improve yourself by doing quests. What are the two races for? It is for PVP. There are maps in AION where you will face the opposing race and definitely, try your best to beat the hell out of them. I enjoyed AION because the game interface is pretty, Campaign quests tells stories, everyone has to go through the same stuff, and the PVP part of the game will really get you motivated to improve your character’s skills and stats so you will not get killed most of the time. AION can get challenging because there are a lot of things to consider. It can get complicated sometimes, but it is fun.

I play online games to remove stress and to distract myself from thinking more depressing stuff. It has been a good diversion so far, especially now when everything seems to melt down a lot of times. And with that being said, I will bid “take care,” magpapalevel pa. LOLs.

Rants 2.0

As always, the clouds above me are still in shades of gray. Staying in this part of the universe called life can get exhausting, but the last time I checked on myself, I am still breathing. I am still okay.

There are a lot of things I am exhausted about: responsibilities that kept of piling up, expectations that you always have to meet, staying on a job that is close to making you self destruct and being alone in all the battlefields you throw yourself into.

Life is tough. But, life is tougher when you are a breadwinner who wants to resign from work because you are no longer happy (aside from it doesn’t provide well) but cannot resign because you think that starting over may make things more complicated.

There were days where I miss my old life. I miss the moments where I still work in a BPO. I long for the perks and all the things that go with taking calls. Though the job can be more exhausting, the opportunity to experience more things makes it okay. It levels the playing field of stress, monotony and of course, lack of sleep.

I am still thinking about the reason which halts me to resign. Is it my three year tenure in the office? Is it my friends at work? Or, is it the lean moments where a shift will end and you will feel relieved because you hardly do anything? I don’t know.

All I know is that I am having a struggle deciding what to do in the next couple of months. My head is so confused right now.

Okay, I am ranting. I am sorry.

The Bar Brawl, A Round Table Challenge

What will you have?

Lights. Yun lang ang sanay akong inumin we.

Hindi ka talaga umiinum ano? 

Natuturnoff ka ba kapag ang kasama mo hindi palainum?

Hindi naman. Sanay lang kasi ako na party goers din ang mga nakakadate ko.

Well, hindi naman talaga ako party goer, pinilit mo lang ako kaya ako nandito ngayon. Isa pa, hindi ito date ano.

Ah ganun ba, anong tawag mo pag ang isang tao, niyaya ang isang tao? 

Eh di nagkayayayaan. Ano ba dapat?

Sabagay, ulitin ko ang tanong, ano ang tawag kapag niyaya ng isang tao ang isa pang tao dahil gusto niya ito?

Eh 'di date. So, gusto mo ako?

Di ba sinabi ko na sa iyo na date ito? 

Oh, okay.

Okay. So gusto mo din ba ako?

Ang bilis naman. Pwede bang bored lang ako kaya ako sumama sa iyo? Haha. Pero to answer your question, masasaktan ka ba kapag sinabi kong hindi?

Hindi? Sure? 

Oo. Hindi. Hindi kita gusto.

O, bakit parang napanis ang laway mo? Ano bang gusto mong marinig?

Wala. Sanay lang siguro ako na halos lahat nagkakagusto sa akin. Alam mo yun. Pag pumasok ako sa isang lugar, uuwi ako ng may kasama. Pero ngayon ata, uuwi akong mag isa.

Addict. Sabay naman tayong uuwi we. Magkaibang bahay lang.

Hindi mo ako patutulugin sa inyo?

Hindi rin. Bakit kaya mo ba ako niyaya para lang matulog sa amin?

Hindi naman siguro masama ang mag assume?

So, ineexpect mo na pag uminum tayo, uuwi tayo sa isang lugar?

Am, sort of, kasi ganoon lahat ng nakakasama ko we. Alam mo yun, lahat ng tao nagkakandarapa na maikama ako. 

Haha. Seryoso? Pasensiya ka na ha, hindi ako kagaya ng mga nakilala mo. Tara na, bill out na tayo. 

Hala, hindi pa tayo nakakadalawang bote.

Sabi ko nga, ibahin mo ako sa mga nakilala mo. If you want to stay, okay lang naman, just text me nalang when you got home. Avoid getting used to going home to someone else's house ha.

Saglit lang. Ayaw mo ba sa akin?

Hindi naman. Pero siyempre hindi naman ako ganoong ka easy, no. Malay mo sa next date, isa na ang uuwian natin. 

So, nageexpect ka din ng next date?

Ayun ay kung kapag niyaya kita, sasama ka. Sasama ka ba?

Basta ikaw, nanginginig pa. Tara na, hatid na kita.    

10. The Bar Brawl

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