Balloons

To make things official, I will leave this blog for the mean time.

Until I guess I am okay, or I am sort of okay.

For now, thank you, and I'll see you guys soon. :D

Tsinelas

I caught her cheating on me.

It was an ordinary day at Kalayaan, the vehicles were passing like they always does, the weather was humid and I was trying to cut my pork chop on the black sizzling plate when Officemate 1 dropped the news. I finished my lunch while she told me how she beat the hell out of her girl friend when she caught her and another girl in her apartment. For you not to be that confuse, yes, it was a girl girl another girl story. lols.

Buti hindi mo napatay, I said. As you were aware, my friend has a tendency to always be on the extreme side of things. Extreme meaning I was afraid that I will visit someone at the girl's prison, and just give her comforting words there. Good thing, we were still in Kalayaan.

After she spilled how dramatic/comedic the whole thing was. Like every other friend who has a friend with a love problem, I told her to leave the girl alone. However there is something that she said that stuck me:

Ang nakakabadtrip kasi, kahit sobrang sakit na, hindi ko pa din magawang alisin siya sa puso.

How you will console someone who love like that?

*photo from here

Hovering

I know I am in no position to hurt someone. However, I feel that if I will not do that, there will be another person who I will hurt. Someone more personal, someone who understands and care for me, someone who loves me more. Myself.

Now I go back to the days where I long for someone. Where I reflect all the stupidity, crazy relationships, and mistakes I ever made and in between all the thoughts that hovers in my head I am starting to ask myself if this is what I want? Is he what I want?

Most of all, how will I get out?

Lesser Evils

Office mate One (O1) is known to have a strong personality. Being a Call Centre veteran, she is familiar with how the industry works. She knows how to sound confidently in every call, her soft skills are above average, and she has this nature where she can be a bitch to every single person she will meet. She will be mean if she needs to without even thinking of who will cross her. She always strives for the best and anything that crosses her way will definitely feel her wrath.

 On the other hand, office mate two (O2) is new to the industry. She came from a good school, can speak superbly, however O2 has this reputation to be careless with the things she do. She can make good excel documentations of everything discussed however her retention is poor. Basically, she is slow. She also has a reputation in our batch that she basically needs attention – she talked about how she was raped before, will rant on the whole Vhong Navarro fiasco, et al.

What will you get if you put the two people together in a team? Of course, nothing but office cat fights. :D

Earlier this evening, as we have our Mentoring (a stage in a call centre where they ready you to take in calls on production), my two officemates clashed. What happened was while their mentor taught them how to navigate the tools (systems), O2 kept on asking questions about topics discussed weeks before. Since O1 really wants to get familiarize with the system, she felt that all questions O2 asked should really be ask before, yesterday was not the time to go back to such topics because we are way too delay on the things we need to learn. And after so many lost patience, office mate one finally makes the face. She rolled her eyes like she never ever rolled them before and her bitchy ways over powered all the understanding left for someone who cannot understand things right away. O2 then made the comment in front of their mentor and her team mates, “you know, O1, my brain cannot catch up with what you’re doing.” O1 then explained her side, she told her that we will take calls on Friday and she must not ask questions that were either stupid or should have asked before. Our trainer always told us to Own Our Own Learning and what O2 was doing is just pulling their team down. They are definitely not moving forward.

Embarrassed, O1 talked to me about the scene. And since O1 has been a friend, I understand where she is coming from. In this industry where you are always on your own in everything and improving on the things that you know, definitely, you will always look after your own ass. Sometimes people will be slow, you will tolerate stuff, but you must know when to stop tolerating them. You work for a reason, and in an industry where skills and knowledge is key to your success, you must also learn to be selfish and to look after yourself first.

However, I also feel bad for O2. Not because she is slow, or the whole class don’t like her, but I also know how harsh my friend can get. Being in her position, I know how painful it can get where all you ever wanted is to just work and then situations like this arise. What happened a while ago was just too much. But as per observations of the people who served as witness to the whole hullabaloo, it seems that O2 was just doing that to pissed O1. If such was true, ah, I don’t know anymore.

All I know is that the world will be better if we will know our limitations. When to maintain our cool, when to lose it, when to be smart, when to play dumb, when to be nice or harsh, when to tolerate stuff and when to avoid tolerance. Most of all, we need to know when to be more humane and lose our morals.

The world is indeed a crazy place. We will face situations where we will be nasty, sometimes way too evil, but in situations like that, I believe we must always be on the lesser side of things. 

The Tower

Approximately, 52 steps. That is what you will face if you will visit my place. 

This is also what I face every single day for the past month. If I need to buy yosi, 52 steps; hey, I need to get the keys from my landlady in order to wash my clothes, 52 steps, If I forget anything and I am already in the fourth floor (our floor), another 52 steps going down, then up. I wonder why I haven't lose any weight. Haha!

Do not get me wrong. I love my new place. If you have a bad morning, all you have to do is go out the door and you will see Encong Dee and Dennis Trillo always smiling at you. The environment is also not too quiet nor too noisy. You can watch doves flying in groups, cats playing around at your neighbors' roof. Most of all, you can also watch people without being afraid of being watch back.

My new place, The Tower, gives me a new perspective in seeing things. I guess the most important is simple things will always makes you happy --- no matter how many steps or how steep the stairs you climb. :D

Dos

I thought I have everything under control last year. However, the problem with control is you cannot control anything - it is either you just became responsible for every stupid decision you made, or you just let go and just enjoy the flow.

Last year, I was close to going berserk. Honestly, things way go too out of hand that I no longer understand what happened. Probably, that is also the reason why I have been absent on this page. Aside from I don't want to rant about things, I also want to forget the moments where I have was in the lowest of lows. Too bad it never work.

If there are any perks on being in a sort of hell state, I became closer with my family. After several years of being independent and suffering the price of it, nothing beats the feeling the love your family give. Its like going back through the core of all the things you are working hard for. Finally, I remembered the goals I am working hard for.

And as the year change, I will admit that things aren't back to how they were supposed to be. But, as always, in every second chance that we have to fix our shits, we just have to rely that this time we will not screw up. And as always, we must never be afraid to try.

"the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all 

- Elsa"

Mirror

I always believe that opposites attract. We are magnets where we repel each other if we are on the same side. And honestly, I never see myself falling for someone who is like me – enjoys reading books, plays online games, will watch series on his free time, and love Sherlock Holmes. No. Never. Will. Never. Happen.

Well, until he came.

And right now, all I can say is, “I don’t want to lose you now.”