Hovering

I know I am in no position to hurt someone. However, I feel that if I will not do that, there will be another person who I will hurt. Someone more personal, someone who understands and care for me, someone who loves me more. Myself.

Now I go back to the days where I long for someone. Where I reflect all the stupidity, crazy relationships, and mistakes I ever made and in between all the thoughts that hovers in my head I am starting to ask myself if this is what I want? Is he what I want?

Most of all, how will I get out?

Mirror

I always believe that opposites attract. We are magnets where we repel each other if we are on the same side. And honestly, I never see myself falling for someone who is like me – enjoys reading books, plays online games, will watch series on his free time, and love Sherlock Holmes. No. Never. Will. Never. Happen.

Well, until he came.

And right now, all I can say is, “I don’t want to lose you now.”

On Cheating

I always wonder why people cheat... when they can do the right thing.

Several of my friends are in relationships for eons. One is with his partner for five years now. Two is in a relationship with the same person for six years, and Three has been dating the same guy for the past three years. You know when you are in PLU's world, having a relationship that goes beyond a year is already an achievement!

Recently, One confessed that he have an office relationship BF. It amazed me when he admitted it. My world shattered when he told me that he told his partner for five years. And after their conversation with his partner, they started discussing all the things that were off in their relationship.

Two and Three have, how will I call this, flings (?) outside their serious relationships. Well, they don't know that I knew. Maybe it’s the Sherlock Holmes complex that I knew I have. I notice actions more than words, I think way ahead compared to anyone and I understand the meaning hidden in every word said. I caught Three dating another friend (who is also in a relationship) and though Three never admitted anything, it shows in their actions when I talk to them at Megamall that they are hiding something.

Do not get me wrong, I know that this is really none of my business and I shouldn't even be writing about this but ever since One told me, the thought never left my head. Why do people cheat when they can always do the right thing? Seriously.

Now, I know that I am really in no place to comment on all the activities my friends are doing. Even though I know it is at some point wrong, but when you are friends with someone, you will learn to accept everything about them. I believe that is what friends do. Regardless of all the craziness, at the end of the day, you will still support each other. Part of me is mortified with the idea, another part is happy for them, and the bigger part of me is always asking myself if I have the right parts. :D

Anyways, I am sure that when you fall for someone, you never consider the wrong and right stuff. You just rely on what you feel. Love happens when you least expect it, worst, it sometimes happen when you are taken. I am not saying that it is okay to cheat. Love is a tricky thing. And when Cupid hit you with that stupid arrow, make sure that you are ready for the things that you put yourself into.

Let’s all love responsibly.

I'm With Stupid

Can you remember the day when you are nothing but stupid? My version of stupidity is plastered in my head like beer cans glued together to create a sword.

Rizal Day. I arrived at Talipayong at two o clock in the afternoon carrying a bag of clothes good for two days. It was a barangay forty minutes via tricycle from Baliguag, Bulacan’s town proper. The place was pretty rural. Lots of rice fields, plenty of fresh air from the luscious trees, and all the farm animals you can think of. I went there because my ex invited me to celebrate New Year’s Eve with his family, and when I arrived there, I found out that that I wasn’t the only one he invited, he also invited his current. I started feeling that it will be a long 24 hours.

There was a nipa house outside their house. It stands beside the outside kitchen where my ex’s mom and I chatted about all the nonsensical things that can possibly talk out. I avoided my ex too much because (1) I am still bitter (2) I haven’t moved on and (3) I’m starting to feel stupid. Night came. After dinner I sat at the porch in front of the hut, smoking my lungs out to stop the awkward feeling. His current doesn’t know that I was the ex. My ex just told me that I was a friend from the boarding house.

When I started preparing myself to sleep, I went to the bedroom at the main house to find that my ex’s brother and his family are sleeping at the room. I looked at the sofa and another brother was sleeping there. I don’t need my ex to tell me that three of us will sleep together in one place – unfortunately, it was the nipa house outside. I loathed myself more when I went inside the hut and saw only one bed. Oh yeah, it will be messy.

We never slept early. First we chatted about random things. I acted my way so I will just get use to the three of us being together. We will sleep in the same place, anyways. But after they freshen up, I lie down at the bed side nearest the door and pretended to be busy with my phone. My ex then lies down beside me followed by his current. I force myself to sleep, forcing my head to stop thinking how impossible the three of us can get. However, they kept on talking. You will hear them kissing. And all their hugging makes sleeping with a couple on the same bed nothing but ultimately stupid. Hey, he is my ex by the way! Then the plan started running on my head. Definitely, this will not continue.

I checked my phone when the farm started to become quiet. It was two in the morning. I stood up as quietly as possible and when my ex saw me, I just told him that I need to pee. I quietly descended the hut, enter the back door near the kitchen, proceeded as quietly as possible to the room where my bag was placed, passed the sofa afraid that his brother will woke up, tried to open the door house, succeeded, then without turning back, I left.

What have I gotten myself into? I ask myself this question as I transverse the rough road on my way to town. Hugging my bag in my chest while my left hand carries my phone to light my path, I noticed that there was nothing safe in what I am doing. I am some 22 year old stranger from Manila, in my house clothes walking past dark rice fields praying that no snake will suddenly cross the street, no dogs will bark and chase the hell out of me, no supernatural being will block my path and most especially no bad guys with deadly weapon will try to rob or rape me. I was gratuitous enough to realize that I didn’t wear any sneakers because that will be another problem. Haha. I never walked that fast in my entire life. Adrenaline took over my body because basically I don’t want anything either my ex or anything else catching me. He will find out eventually that I left.

And I was correct. I was walking for thirty minutes when I received his text asking me where I am. “I’m on my way home,” I replied. He started texting that it was not safe leaving at this hour (which I know), that I could have stayed until morning (which is not an option), and if there is anything wrong. Some people can really get more stupid compared to other people. I never replied his messages because I can. Then I was sure he started getting pissed because the tone of his text was starting to get nasty. I never replied until he told me to stay where I was and he will go there to get his clothes. Then there was flashback. When I left for manila he kept on texting me to bring him clothes because he was so excited to go home that he didn’t bring anything. Smiling wickedly, I replied, “ay sorry, wala kang damit dito. Don’t get me wrong, I have clothes for both of us pero they are all my clothes. Im sure you’ll figure something out.”

Another 20 minutes of walking and my savior came. Seeing a tricycle was the happiest thing that happened to me that morning. I was so happy that I paid the driver a hundred bucks when he dropped me off the bus terminal. Leaving for Manila never felt that well.

Though these happened eons ago, this stupidity still makes me smile. I always believe that it is okay to be stupid sometimes. When you became stupid, you learn. When you took the wrong curves, it will make you reflect on the things that you mistakenly commit and then you’ll start hoping that you can still make things right. Without stupidity, life will be dull and boring. I’m not saying that we all become stupid. Let’s just try not making the same mistakes again. And in case you did, don’t fret; I am still rooting for you.

Thank you for reading this super duper long post. Haha!

Roses

What's in a name? That which we call a rose,
By any other name would smell as sweet.

-Juliet Capulet

WHITE: Tradition dictates that all guests offer a rose to the departed. I stood on queue among neighbors and friends of Moments’ family who was in front of the altar howling because of his father’s death. The atmosphere was heavy. It was dramatic. While the choir sung the most haunting song I've ever heard, I forced my eyes to stop crying.

                Things could have been easier if Jazmine was with me. We could have ridiculed at the environment I trapped myself in. However, he was not there. And as I near the altar, I knew that things could have been worst. It was devastating seeing an entire family in pain. The hurt they felt was so contagious and though I told myself to maintain composure and grace, when I hugged my friend, it felt like that the sky will fall anytime.

RED: I was on another queue. It was the eve of the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I held a red one this time. It goes with an envelope where I placed a hundred bucks as love offering. As I concentrate at the image of the virgin in front of me, I contemplated on the things that I want her to hear. I prayed for my family, my friends, and all the people dear to me. I ask for mercy, prosperity and guidance. I lift up to her all the things that bother me – from my fears, insecurities, self doubt and all the pain. I inquire for forgiveness and I wished for peace.

            Though it was already midnight, the air was warm. Her presence made me more optimistic. Her love made me feel safe.

BLUE: Boy, another roommate from Sta Mesa, left the house early. He told me that it was Valentine’s Day and he needs to be early at Dangwa to get the freshest flowers he can get. I thought he will get several red flowers to give to our entire lady neighbor. He did last year. But when he returned home, all he had in his arms were two dozens of blue roses. It was the one of the prettiest thing I've ever seen. Afterwards, he started giving the blue flowers to all of our neighbors which made them appreciate him more. And when he placed one at my bedside table, it made me appreciate Boy more.

ORANGE: Where did you get the money to buy this? I told him while I stare in fascination at the orange  long stem rose in front of me.

You thought I cannot get you anything special for your birthday because I am a student, right? He said.

No, it’s not like that, I just didn't expect that this thing is for real. I see it in books and on Wikipedia but I never expect that you can get it somewhere here in Manila. I continued staring at the rose. Seriously, its presence was hypnotizing. I touched the petals and I can’t stop smiling. Best. Birthday. Gift. Ever.

I’m glad you liked it.

No, I don’t like it. I love it.

And, I love you. Happy Birthday.

--

The rose that all are praising
Is not the rose for me.

-Thomas Haynes Bayly

Cheaters

A Round Table Challenge

How the three of us were tangled still made me grin.


The two of them were married two months before He and I met. I was 23, he was 22 and she was 33.

I worked as a QA in a call center, then.  She was a teacher. And he was on his last year on college where all of his classes started at four in the afternoon.

Our normal day was like this.

Since she and I worked on different shifts. They will leave their house at seven in the morning, while I was on my way home. Our houses were blocks away. He will wait for me at the same waiting shed where she left him.

Then, we will go to their house. We will eat together at the same table where he will lie to her that he doesn’t want to have breakfast. Then, he will let me sleep at their bed. At three PM, I will accompany him to school. After his class (around eight PM), he will drop by our house, I will go to work while he waited for her at the same spot I left him

He was nice. Every time I woke up, he will get me a glass of water, and then he will tell me to sleep again. In moments where I used to have difficulty in sleeping, he will lie down beside me, hugged me, and then sung a lousy version of my favorite song. It was Everywhere I Go by Katherine Mcphee. If she had part time job on Saturday, he and I will go to the market, and then we will cook pasta for our lunch making sure that there will be no leftovers so that she will never notice. Sometimes, we go to the mall, play in the arcade, and then watch a movie while our hands were locked together. We just enjoyed ourselves. The two of us spent each day laughing at how she nagged at him and her silly antics. We will walk the streets of Sta Mesa without even thinking where we will go. We will try all the street foods at Teresa and compare which one taste best knowing that they all stay the same. That was how corny we turned out to be.

 Hence, like any other complicated relationships, what we had never last. Being happy was never enough. While we were sitting at PUP’s lagoon, we realized how worst we became. He started lying to her just to be with me. I started questioning myself if what we have was right. And the two of us made a lot of enemies starting from neighbors who loved to gossips up to my friends who kept asking me why I even let it happen.

Though we were both happy, we realized how weak we can get.

Our breakup was fast. It  happened via SMS. After a year of being in cloud nine amidst the hell that surrounded what we have, one day he just realized how much he loves her, and then I realized how stupid I became. I know it was wrong, but I still allowed it. I know he was the right one, but he was already taken. And though I’ve experienced being in a family where mistresses became a household name, I turned out to be one myself. Though it was hard to accept, I realized that it was best for both of us. Aside from there was nothing left to contemplate on, there was also nothing left to hang onto. We could continue, but if we did, we would make more mistakes, we would hurt more people, and we will just keep on hanging to the cloud that made us float. We will keep on flying until we fall into the ground so hard because we were so high above. We will continue being wrong.

On his breakup text, he said, sana mas maaga kang dumating, para hindi ako sa kanya, at habambuhay akong magiging sa iyo (I wish you came earlier, so that I will never be her’s, and I will be forever yours).

I'd read the last two words as Never Yours.

8: Tracy Chapman's Never Yours

citybuoy | ♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔ | Leader of the Opposition | ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ | Orange Wit | Spiral Prince

Spider Web

Early last year, E and L are together. After a couple of months, they broke up.

Early this year, L and M are together. They are not in a relationship but they watched movies, went to mall, and did a lot of things together. Go figure. After a couple of months, they went on their separate ways.

Recently, E and M became a couple. And hopefully, what they have will last.

Why am I writing this?

I have a crush on E, L, and M but I never pursued any of them.

Watching them from afar was already enough for me. Being friends with them is already a blessing. Hearing stories about them sometimes complete my day.

Still, I never pursued any of them.

And I am glad I never did.

No, This is Not a Beautiful Affair

DISCLAIMER: All characters' names appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

A Beautiful Affair

Living in a CoEd boarding house, definitely, relationships will flourish. Whether it's straight or gay, my home has witness it. Love stories and sexual affairs between housemates has been pretty common, but the recent gossip circulating around the four walls of our home is nothing but controversial.

To begin the gossiping, let me remind everyone that I will not use the characters real name.

We will start our story with Charlie. Charlie came from the province. He is good looking, hot and definitely someone that every girl and gay will really fall for. There were rumors that Charlie, though good looking, is nothing but lazy. He went here to Manila for work, he started applying in a call center but he never passed. While applying, Charlie courted Sophie. Sophie is the type of girl that you will never classify as pretty, unless you look at her closely. She has been working in the call center for quite some time when she said yes to Charlie. Their relationship became more intimate. You will see them kissing, holding hands while walking and sharing sweet nothings when they are together.

They become inseparable. After half a year of living in different rooms, they decided to share a room together. Yes, my friend, they choose to live in together. That time, it created animosity between Sophie and her roommates because during that time, Charlie still doesn't have any work. While Sophie worked on the graveyard shift, you will see Charlie, half naked and sleeping in the common area. So you might be thinking who paid the down payment for the room, right? You got it right. Sophie.

Everything went well between the two of them. Sophie neglected all of her friend's advice regarding Charlie's work habits. While Charlie is looking for a job, Sophie was the one who spent for their food, rent and everything that the two of them need. She doesn't care what other people say, all she knows is that she is in love and someone hot loves her back. Eventually, Charlie found work at a hotel somewhere.

Enter, Juliet. Juliet is the sister of Madonna, the new gay in town. They are part of a group of girls and gays who are really annoying and most of the time, noisy. If we are in high school, they are like the nasty sexy cheerleaders that you will love to hate. Juliet is the type of girl that you don't want to be friends with if you have a hot boyfriend, because she is hot, she is pretty, and yes, Juliet can get pretty flirty and naughty. Compared to Sophie, Juliet is more liberated. Also, Juliet likes Charlie.

And recently, Sophie caught Charlie with Juliet at their room.

Who knows what happened? All Sophie saw was the two of them together and when they were caught, Juliet started rolling her eyes and making unnecessary, irritating, go on and break up with him smirks that of course Sophie never expected. Oh, I wish I could have been there! What is circulating around the house is that there were no teleserye moment where the lead star slap the bitch, all Sophie did was to start looking for a house so that she can move out.

Oh, Sophie confronted Madonna about it and all he said was that, "Girl, you two are not married yet." Bastard.

Sophie already left the house. I haven't seen Charlie. Juliet is flirting with another guy housemate, there are even stories that one of our Bi housemate is courting her.

Who knows where their story will go? Don't worry, I will tell you if ever more rumors rise up.

___

Oh, Please do check My Universe! Follow niyo na rin po. Thanks. :)

Verbs

A Round Table Challenge

Vanish without saying a word
Disappear and never explain
Combust all hopes and dreams
Then, drag me where no one wants to be.
 
Control the winds that take me away
Block the current where i float aimlessly
Unclog all thoughts that haunt me
Then, heal the wounds that marred me
 
Sing a song
Dance like you’ve never done before
Drink alcohol and puff another smoke
Then, punch something until your blood pour.
 
Clarify all ironies.
Remove the metaphors that were confusing
Comprehend the words said
Then, utter the phrases we both want to hear.
 
Remember how we both feel
Reminisce how happy we were
Let memory be a bitch
Then, make it remind us all the bad things.
 
Destroy the wall where I fence you in
Stay outside and never go back again
for the vagueness of how complicated we were
Created a monster in me that I can’t even portray

____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

5: The Mean Reds

citybuoy | ♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔ | ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ | Manila Bitch | Orange Wit | Spiral Prince | Leader of the Opposition

Photo Credit

Phoenix

The past week has been crazy.

Part of me was hurt, part of me was guilty, part of me was drowning myself in all of my insecurities and a bigger part of me is stupid. Another part of me thought of all the possibilities, the what ifs, and there was a tiny part of me hoping always for the best.

But what is cool about the Healing Process (if there is such) is that it will give you an opportunity to reflect. Find out where did you miss your sanity and where will you give yourself the opportunity to put yourself back together.

Blame the rain for being a good distraction. While I was sad contemplating on how the two of us separated ways, I will read something about the floods and then I thought, damn, my burdens are nothing. The pain I was drowning myself into will never compare how unfortunate other felt when they lose a home, a love one, and anything they have. It was embarrassing to feel this way while other suffers more.

I give myself the time it needs to heal. Last Wednesday I drank two bottles of Red Horse just to sleep and not think but I still woke up two early and man, it doesn’t feel good. Hence, it feels more stupid. I just promised myself to never do that again.

Though I am stubborn, I listen to people who cares, who understand what I am going through and will give me the chance to rant about all the things I feel bad of. I know I will never listen to an advice, but I just need someone to listen. I am grateful for the people who have been good ears for me.

And I remember how I scribbled a lot of stuff in my journal just to make myself remember how stupid I feel. Writing really helps. It lessen the pain.

I know I am still not okay, but in due time, I will. Right now, I will just treat what happened as a flood, it may evade everything, but it will never crush my spirits. I will still fight no matter how tough that battle seems.

The sun is already up. I know the rainbow is just somewhere in the bright sky.

Awakening

Where will I start this?

I really want to tell you guys how us started but  things has been complicated in the last four days. Who would have thought that a lot of things can happen in four days? You will meet someone, get close to him, see sparks, started hoping that the feelings will last, and then you will break his heart. All of that happen in four days. 

The truth will always be the least popular story. Cliches will always say that it will set you free, true  enough, it did. It set me free. Free from him, his stories, his thoughts and his world. And if this is being free, well, I don't want to be free again.

But still things need to be liberated. We have to get out of the abyss that we put ourselves into. You need to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or at least try to find it. You have to learn to stand up for you to start running. Everything affects everything. Something must start somewhere.

I decided to start something now.

Where will I start? Contemplating where will you start moving on will really be the toughest stage. But I have wonderful friends. Thanks to Addie, she reminded me where should I start this. She said,  forgive yourself first and it all follows.

The truth was out, and when he found out that I lied about a lot of things. I already did my part, I wrote him a long email and I apologize a lot of times. Maybe it will never be enough, and definitely, I know where his rage is coming from, but I think I have done my part. It is time to ask forgiveness from myself.

LJ, I am sorry. 

Battlefield

Our story can be divided in seven parts.

1. We become more than friends.

2. We lived together in the same house.

3. After three months, we broke up after I found out that you were cheating with me.

4. Two months later, we were together again because you found out that your buddy was a gold digger.

5. Three months of stupidity happiness. Pak!

6. You cheated again with another guy.

7. We parted ways.

I was nineteen when all of this happened. He was five years my senior and when our relationship took placed, most of the time, I was confused. At that point, I don’t understand why a guy cheats on another guy. Hence, cheating will always be cheating. It will always be wrong though all the right reasons makes cheating seemed correct. It will always be better to say the truth – as much as it hurts, though.

Our last fight was epic.

 

At his age (24) he was still not familiar with Friendster. Friendster was like Facebook during that time. Everyone was asking someone else for a testimonial. Friendster also has themes, I still remember that mine was Detective Conan inspired, it has shades of blue and black and a lot of other cool stuff. His page was just the generic page. Being the internet savvy type that I was, I volunteered to place a theme on his page, and he said yes. He gave me his password for Friendster. After creating magic on his profile page, I was expecting that he will changed his password, however he didn’t.

While we were still together, I never opened his page. It was really not my thing to meddle on other people’s turf; also, nothing is interesting on his profile. Why bother, right?

However, the second time he cheated on me, I was really mad. Imagine forgiving someone and doing the same hideous act to you? I remember sitting on an internet café close to crying however since I was infuriating with rage, I just can’t cry. Staring at my Friendster blog, I was trying to pour everything that I felt but I don’t even know where to start. Then the idea entered my mind, I logged in his account and to my surprise, after several months of reminding him, he still doesn’t change it.

Everything happened very quickly. I immediately went to his account settings and changed the password of his account. But a better idea came to mind; I returned to his settings and just deleted everything away. If someone will look for his Friendster account, he will never be found.

Later that night, we were fighting. Literally fighting! I went to work with a scratch on my face and he doesn’t go to work at all because his body was in pain. I was bigger than him so he really had a hard time. It was violent, and I never want it to happen again.

However, revenge is always sweet. It was surprising that I was smiling after I almost left him unconscious. I never felt the guilt, not even close to pitying him. I know he deserve that, and after everything he did to me, I deserve it as well. He must learn to understand that some people will not choose to get hurt, sometimes, they will not even get close to being mad, and they will get even.

The incident sealed everything. It was the best closure possible for the two of us – no apologies, not even talking, just a few bruises and his head aching in pain.

It was over and I was happy.

 

---

The Emo Blogger's Happy Blogging Challenge: A Criminal Mind

• ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ: A Criminal Mind, A Series
• The Orange Wit: Battlefield
• Spiral Prince: A Criminal Mind, Free Fall
• iamrei: Summer Stain Anthem

The Greatest Love

I really don’t believe in office relationships. There is something about it that really gives me an eerie chill every time I think about it happening to me. I even told a friend once that I’d rather have a long distance relationship than have a partner who works with me in the same company.

However, I met my last ex in my previous company. Thanks to a program that allows people within the account chat with each other, we became closer. He will chat with me every time he has a question about his calls, then he will ask me about the things that I love. In return, I will ask him about his interests. Until one day, we were sharing lunch together, we will leave the building together, we smoke together, we share the same coffee mug during coffee breaks, and we became good friends.

From good friends, we then realized how bonded we were. We started sharing struggles and victories. The day I resigned from my previous company, even though it was his off, he went to the office to help me fix my things. He even gave me a caramel sundae because he knew that it will make the emo feeling disappear. He even told me that everything will be fine, that we’re lucky we were friends, but we will be more lucky if we will always have each other. That day, we became partners.

It is always nice being in love. Though we were working on different company and shifts, we always find time for each other. Waking up in the morning receiving a message saying that, “I’m on my way home, ingat ka pagpasok ha, call me pag lunch ka na, gigising ako. ily,“ always felt better than heaven. There were also nights when I have to stay up late in order to talk to him on his lunch break. I even changed my schedule for him, that way; we will be together on rest days. We both learned to compromise, understand and complement each other.

When we were together, we seldom go to malls. Malls makes us more tired. What we love doing is just staying at his room, him playing with his PSP and staying online with his laptop while I was busy reading a book. We also love watching series together, from Grey’s Anatomy to Prison break, we don’t mind even if we don’t sleep.

We were accepted by his family. His mom once even cooked my lunch. She once demanded that I should be there at their house on Sundays because it was family day. I love being with them.

Being both gay, our relationship were close to being perfect. We have everything that we need from each other; we were accepted by our friends and folks, we love each other very much.

But sometimes, all good stories must come to an end. Things happened and we moved on. We lasted for a year. I can say it was one of the best years in my life. We are still friends though, her mom still invites me on their Sunday lunch, and his siblings still ask me to help them with their assignments. We still share our victories and defeats; the only difference right now is there is no malice involved when we hug each other. :P

He was also the person who named me Orange. Haha. We were in his room one Saturday night and decided that we should get drunk. Then, we started arguing what we should drink; I wanted The Bar Orange Vodka while he wants to have The Bar Lemon and Lime Gin. It was a stupid conversation.

Me: Ayaw ko ng gin, mas masarap yung vodka kasi it has orange on it.

Him: pwede ba ako muna masusunod now. Gusto ko kasi ng lemon sa alak, hindi naman masarap ang orange we

Me: anong hindi. Mas masarap kaya ang orange kesa sa lemon, ang orange, may chances na matamis, ang lemon mo, maasim na forever.

Him: o sige ako na ang maasim ikaw na ang matamis.

Me: siyempre naman, ako yung orange ikaw yung lemon.

Him: okay, bibilhin ko nalang parehas orange ko.

Me: Sige, lemon ko.

Him: Love you, orange.

Me: Love you too, lemon.

Ang corny namin. Haha. Pero for now, Lemon will always be my greatest love. Though our love story ended, every single moment of it was worth it, definitely, no regrets. :)

Advance, Happy Valentines guys. :)

The Wicked Queen

She walks through the night,

with the moon as her backdrop, and

a basket of apples on her left hand.

With jealousy on her heart,

and the insecurities that needs to end.

Slowly, she walks through the dark forest,

leading to only one direction.

With only one purpose.

One plan.

One goal.

She wants to be The Fairest.

She wants the pain to end,

she wants the jealousy to cease,

She wants Snow White dead.

Then she finally see her,

and the rage intensified.

She became more envious,

more dangerous,

But She must not notice,

her wicked ways must be kept secret,

or she will not be the Fairest.

She pleaded the lady to let her in,

then informed her that the apple

were meant for wishing.

Finally, Snow White took a bite,

Then fall to an endless sleep.

The Queen rejoiced because her plan was a success

And now it’s all up to Prince Charming

To wake the damsel in distress.

With one kiss.

All it take is just one kiss.

But Prince Charming hasn’t come into his senses.

He is still confuse whether Snow White is meant for him

Maybe true love won’t save Snow White this time.

*******

Snow White and the Queen were together last night. It was not a pretty site. I was slightly drunk when I wrote these words on my phone. :)

Snow White

Someone was singing a lousy version of Better Days when I first saw him. I was standing at the Bar’s balcony when he came in. He was wearing black, with body protruding on his muscular torso, and his smile will really caught every one’s attention.

I tried to remain calm and did my best not to act that I like him. Well, I do like him, but my friends were there and I know that they also got their eyes on him too. We didn’t talk. I avoided him. Though my attention was with my friends, all my thoughts were geared towards him.

I want to share a table with him, get to know him, to get a glimpse of his dreams, ideas and how crazy he can get. His smile mesmerized me, and it will be better if I can see it up close. The way he looked was really perfect – black eyes that seems to see someone’s soul, skin as white as snow, lips as red as a rose, and a smile that was like a ray of sun in a gloomy, depressing day.

He can be a male version of Snow White, and me, well I am just nobody.

When I told my friends that I am on my way home, he said that I should’ve have stayed. “You're not drunk yet,” he commented.

I really wanted to stay but I really don’t like what I felt. Something was wrong that night.

Since I broke up with my last partner, this was the first time I’ve experienced it again. The sudden chill, thoughts rambling on your mind, and your heart beating like crazy, one thing was sure; I’m attracted to Snow White. The wall that I’ve created for so long suddenly crashed before my eyes. All of the things that I’ve done to even ignore liking somebody became useless. And it is all because of Snow White.

Hence, my friends were also attracted to him. I can sense it. He was their new target and everyone will fight tooth and nail just to get a piece him. Who will not fall for him? He was a good trophy boyfriend, and probably, he does well in bed as well. I love competitions, but I really choose my battles.

Snow White is really a good prize, but is he worth it all the trash talking and back stabbing that my friends and I will go through just to have him?

Thoughts started ranting on my head. The insecurities that I tried to neglect ever since started flourishing in all of my veins. And the doubts, yes, it won't stop. I started imaging what a perfect date will be? What should I wear? Where will I take him? It's stupid, I know. But I think that was the closest I can get to him, in my silly and crazy dreams.

Then, the reason why I don't want to fall in love again erupted like a dormant volcano ready to create a devastating scene. It always happen.

I always fall for people who will never even notice me.

Battlefield

Sixteen minutes nalang, four AM na! Uwian na!

Dapat matapos ko ito bago ako umuwi, haha… ito na! Bahala na!

Matandain ako sa mga dates, mali pala, matandain lang talaga ako.

Naalala ko lang bigla ang isang tao. Exactly three years ago, nakasakay ako sa isang jeep papuntang Cubao galing ng Antipolo. May gimik kasi kami ng mga barkada ko noon. Hmm, plano ko nga dapat mag over night kaso siya, ayaw niya, kasi nga daw ang Nanay niya ay pagagalitan siya pag madaling araw na siya umuwi.

Mas matanda lang naman siya sa kin ng months, so kung 22 na kami that time, hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit may mga restrictions pa.

So magkatabi kami sa jeep, tahimik siya, badtrip naman ako. Alam mo ba yung feeling na pinlano mo ang isang buong gabi mo tapos sa isang iglap kailangan mong magadjust para sa isang tao. Magkatabi kami sa loob ng jeep, pero parang ang layo layo namin sa isa’t isa. Sa mga sandaling iyon, alam ko na uuwi na ako ng single ulet, kinabukasan, pag hindi ko inayos ito, Hello, single blessedness na naman.

Sa sobrang pikon ko, hindi ko na iniisip na pagusapan o ayusin pa kung ano mang kalokohan ang mayroon kami. May mga bagay talagang marerealize mo kung kalian mo ibibigay ang lahat mo para magtagumpay the same way na may mga pagkakataon na kailangan mong magconcede at mas mabuti nalang umuwi na talunan.

Isa yung gabing iyon na mas pinili kong sumuko. Ng gabing iyon, natapos ang pinakamaikling relationship ko, gaano kaikli?

Six weeks.

** Hindi pa lumabas ang kantang ito nung kami pa, pero pag naririnig ko siya, alam na…