I will never understand goodbyes.
In a corporate set-up, we all understand that people leave because (1) the company they are working for sucks, (2) they receive a better offer in a different company, (3) they never see any growth with their present company, and (4) just because. When I worked in a call center before, I've seen people leave like airplanes up in the sky. You don't know where they are heading. All you know is that they are heading somewhere. Worst, you will just find out that they are already gone. I know I am used to this. I should be used to this. But, what I am feeling right now is really foreign.
Probably, the person leaving has been so dear to me. For the purpose of this blog, let me tell you something about Mommy. Mommy is one of my supervisors here in the office. She was the first person I met, she trained me when I started, and 30 minutes ago, Mommy just told me that she is resigning.
Knowing how painful I can get as a subordinate, Mommy always believed in me the way she believe in her kids. There were moments where I was closed to doing AWOL and the first thing she did was to talk to me about it. Mommy listened well. She never judged. You can tell her personal stuff without even being scared that it will leak up. Unlike some people in our team, all things confidential will remain confidential. Her motherly approach will always makes you sane. In times where the stress in the office is too much to handle, seeing her deal with everything as graceful as she always is, everything will seem like a breeze.
Mommy told me that I matured a lot in The Company. True enough. My tenacity has been tested a lot of times. I was challenged with situations that seems too impossible to endure. Yet, I am still here. One of the reason is because of Mommy. I choose not to be dictated by my other supervisors, however, when Mommy told me something, my defenses will falter. If Mommy will request something from me, that is beyond my responsibility for a day, I will gladly comply. That is how much I respect her.
That is why the news is too painful to handle. I don't know who will I ran to if I have a problem with something. Who will listen to all of my nonsensical thoughts? Who will keep me sane if work is burning the hell out of me? Just realizing that I have to rely on myself more already scares me.
Do no get me wrong. I am happy for her because I know how hard it is to work where I am working now. I also see myself leaving this company but not as immediate as what she did. However, seeing how miserable things will turn out to be now that she will no loger be there stress me. I don't even want to think about it.
I will never understand goodbyes. But because I adore her too much, I guess I will give it a try.