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Friday, August 10, 2012

Phoenix



The past week has been crazy.

Part of me was hurt, part of me was guilty, part of me was drowning myself in all of my insecurities and a bigger part of me is stupid. Another part of me thought of all the possibilities, the what ifs, and there was a tiny part of me hoping always for the best.

But what is cool about the Healing Process (if there is such) is that it will give you an opportunity to reflect. Find out where did you miss your sanity and where will you give yourself the opportunity to put yourself back together.

Blame the rain for being a good distraction. While I was sad contemplating on how the two of us separated ways, I will read something about the floods and then I thought, damn, my burdens are nothing. The pain I was drowning myself into will never compare how unfortunate other felt when they lose a home, a love one, and anything they have. It was embarrassing to feel this way while other suffers more.

I give myself the time it needs to heal. Last Wednesday I drank two bottles of Red Horse just to sleep and not think but I still woke up two early and man, it doesn’t feel good. Hence, it feels more stupid. I just promised myself to never do that again.

Though I am stubborn, I listen to people who cares, who understand what I am going through and will give me the chance to rant about all the things I feel bad of. I know I will never listen to an advice, but I just need someone to listen. I am grateful for the people who have been good ears for me.

And I remember how I scribbled a lot of stuff in my journal just to make myself remember how stupid I feel. Writing really helps. It lessen the pain.

I know I am still not okay, but in due time, I will. Right now, I will just treat what happened as a flood, it may evade everything, but it will never crush my spirits. I will still fight no matter how tough that battle seems.

The sun is already up. I know the rainbow is just somewhere in the bright sky.

6 comments:

  1. i'm glad to hear you are doing better, lj. and don't compare your pains to that of others. each of us his own cross to bear. even if you are dry it doesn't mean how you feel is less significant. but i hope you continue to move forward. hugs! PM

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  2. btw lj, i'm hosting a virtual potluck dinner and you're invited! :D

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    1. Hi PM! Thank you so much for the invitation. :D

      I would love being part of that. And, thank you for being an awesome blogger friend. I've learned a lot when you said that you can't win them all.

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  3. it'll take time just be with those people love you the most and the next thing you'll know pain is were just a scar, scar that wont remind you of how rough it had been but the lessons it brought in to your life

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  4. whatever it is that you're going through my heart goes out for you. parting ways is never easy. give yourself enough time to heal. allow yourself to sulk and cry. you'll be healed in time. I hope you get to see your rainbow really soon :)

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    1. the sky is getting clearer now, thanks mica.

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