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Monday, January 9, 2012

Vulnerability

Last Saturday, Nate and I went to our friend’s sister debut. It was fun. Though we know that the two of us were the oldest of the bunch, it’s always nice seeing young adults party their heart out.

I was so drunk that night. We drank a lot – tequila, tanduay ice, and empi lights, haist, it was really flowing with alcohol and we cannot help it.

After talking about our personal stuff, I opened this conversation with Nate.

Me: Nate, nag kwa-quarter life ka na ba?

Nate: Ano un?

Me: alam mo  yung feeling na parang at your age hindi mo pa naaachieve ang mga bagay na gusto mo talaga.

Nate:  Ahm, hindi naman, kasi hindi naman talaga ako mapanghangad sa mga bagay we. Masaya na ako na may work kami, okay ang mga family ko, ganoon.

This is what I love about Nate. I know that all of his decisions, they all involved his family. I am always at his house so I know, that is why I love staying at their place. He continued.

Nate: Alam mo kasi ang problem sa iyo, kailangan mo na ng partner. Kahit na aminin mo na okay ka lang, malungkot pa din. Hindi na iyon tipo dahil sa attraction or because of sex, pero siyempre at our age, we need to have someone na. Companionship baga.

True. I was drunk and I know I will be more courageous to say my side.

Me: I know naman. Sometimes, I get sad din. Hindi mo lang alam kung gaano ko na gustong magkaroon ng someone. Parang ang sarap ng may constant na kasama sa mga lakad, kumain, at magbyahe na kayong dalawa lang. Gusto ko din un, gustong gusto. Pero sa tingin ko naman, God has always been good to me. He balance things out. I am happy with my family, friends, and work. He keeps me preoccupied kaya siguro hindi ko madalas nararamdaman ung longing for someone na feeling. Pati ngayon, I feel so bless with everything I have now, na ang kinakatakot ko lang, if he gives me that perfect someone, he will challenge me more. Not that I am scared, I know he will always be there for me, he will not give me something I can’t handle. Pero at this point, wag muna, I cannot afford a bigger challenge, kaya siguro wala pa din.Im happy naman we. :)

Nate just said okay. :p

That’s me when drunk, I realize how emotional I am, and how vulnerable and weak I can get.

12 comments:

  1. yun pala ang tawag doon.

    quarter life? tama ba?

    kasalukuyan akong dumadaan sa ganyan, pero tulad nyo pareho, masaya ako. minsan nga lang hindi talaga maiwasan yung mapaisip sa mga bagay bagay lalo na sa paglipas ng panahon.

    Tulad mo, masaya ako dahil parati Siya andyan sa kabila ng aking mga pagkukulang lalo na sa kanya.

    Ganto yung part na gusto ko kapag nalalasing ang isang tao. emo, pero may sense.

    magandang umaga orange :)

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  2. i love drunk conversations. i feel an thrill in drawing the line between the alcohol talking and our inner selves confessing. i think it's pretty cool. nate sounds like a very cool guy. does he have a blog? he sounds like me, haha. as for the partner bit, you may be right, bout the fact that you are not ready for it, maybe that's why it has yet to come. i found things naturally find us when we are ready, so just hold on because when it comes there's no looking back!

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  3. It's alright. You're still young. I'm planning get married at 40. Wahaha.

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  4. *Neneng, yeah, yan ata ang mga term ng mga psychologist sa mga ganyang feeling.

    Well, okay lang naman dumaan sa feeling na ganito we. What is cool is that we have supportive people that understands what we are going through.

    *PM, yeah, Nate is really cool. tamang balanse ng pagiging comical at serious ang meron sa kanya kaya we blend a lot. He doesnt blog though.

    Iniisip ko tuloy, pano kayo kung kayong 2 ni neneng ang kainuman ko? For sure, sensible lahat ng topic pag lasing na, o i doubt. haha

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  5. *Alla, hello and welcome. its okay naman, minsan lang, the feeling sucks. :)

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  6. sayang, i think his posts would be cool. kung magiinuman tayo? nothing would happen. i don't drink so i guess i'd just have to listen to you talk and draw the line when the alcohol stops and i'm listening to the most vulnerable you talking to me. but still we would have fun. :)

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  7. hahaha... yeah, it will be hilarious, i am telling you.

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  8. Quarter Life Crisis ata yun o di lang din ako sure.

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  9. orange! wanna copy what u've said to me earlier on my blog post...
    "AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE"just like what u've state,i think most of the time i was like that,so that was Quarter Life Crisis syndrome...haha i really tag syndrome on that,by the way i will comment a descent one tomorrow,ive been busy for a couple of days,but im reading all your post and comments on my blog,thank you for the visit,maybe tomorrow i can post something already,and i can reply to comments and to your post...its nice reading it,the one you wrote yesterday,the SNOW WHITE thing?i wanna ask you something also...but enough of me tonight...ill visit tomorrow my friend! ^^ i can relate you on this post a LOT!!! ☻

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  10. *cherie, hahaha... kinabahan naman ako sa comment mo, may question talaga dapat. hindi ba pwedeng comment nalang? tapos pasasalamatan nalang kita. :)

    *YOW, un nga siguro un. :)

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  11. hahaha very well said...you wont be my idol if you cant carry that line with flying colors haha but yeah! ive something to ask,and i know your capable on answering it my friend...goodnight for now...are you in the office now?haha ciao!

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